Anchorman (Film) - Review

Anchorman should be so much better than it actually is. It casts Will Ferrell alongside the likes of Steve Carell and Paul Rudd, to parody 70s-style misogyny in news broadcasting.  It's produced by Judd Apatow. Maybe by the standards of 2004 this was better, but today, at least, this is bad. What could have been a hilarious ride of mocking sexism is a joyless mess of a film that is only occasionally funny.

Ferrell's character Ron Burgundy is the beloved lead anchorman for a San Diego news station, along with other respected anchors for sports and weather and such. I can't tell you their names, because they're too boring for me to remember. One's gimmick, the one played by Carell, is that he is mentally retarded with an "IQ of 45," but the only real difference between him and just about every other character is that his mental problem has been diagnosed.

They're on top, so when a woman is hired on the station and garners some success, they become enraged, because she's a woman! This premise lends itself to an ongoing joke in the film; the anchors are sexist! They treat women like means for sex, and this is acted out in a very juvenile fashion. Prejudice is funny when it's made to look ridiculously bad, but here, it feels like just another joke. Initially the film-makers try to make the woman, played by Christina Applegate, a straight-man to their idiocy, which was functional until they gave up on that idea. Eventually her character becomes a whole lot less strong, and she falls for sexist dope Burgundy because that's what the dumb script calls for. I cringed and literally face-palmed throughout the film.

The core issue here is that the movie really doesn't know what it wants to do. Is it really trying to smartly satire old-school misogyny? If so, why is the woman turned into a submissive (and even damselized, at the end) joke? Is it about Burgundy's station beating out its competitors, like a very involved fight scene towards the middle, and an important exchange of dialogue at the climax, both seem to allude to? If so, why is it so underdeveloped? There's a colorful bit of animation abstractly visualizing sex, is it really just supposed to be a senseless, ludicrous collection of comedy?  If so, why ground the movie in troubling, serious subject matter?

The movie also has a habit of pretending its actors are much more talented than they actually are. And that isn't a slight at the talent here, because it really does bring together impressive performers. It's just that most of the jokes are one-man shows. We're usually watching an actor act towards the camera. To sustain a movie, it would make more sense to have the cast working off of each other more.

I can be a bit positive about the movie. It's not actually offensive, it just doesn't work. And it is occasionally funny. The attempts at satire don't really work, but when it's just trying to be humorously stupid, it tends to work a good bit. That animation I mentioned earlier is quite funny, and there's some good laughs when things get very ridiculous towards the end.

But the high points really aren't enough. I was surprised how much of a mess this movie is. Anchorman sports an all-star cast alongside its fantastically talented leading man. It's a shame that it's so awful. 

I'm Excited About the Wii U

When the Nintendo 3DS was unveiled at E3, the gaming community lit up with excitement. There was no doubt that it was going to be a smash hit as a gaming platform, and there was even buzz about its ability as a movie-player. When it launched, it did not do very well for awhile. But eventually, with the aid of a big price drop, a stellar new Mario and Mario Kart, as well as a sweet Ocarina of Time remake, the system got itself on track. Today, the 3DS is the success that gamers initially expected, minus the movie-playing, which didn't go anywhere, really.

When the Wii U was announced, gamers knew better than to expect a hit success right off the bat. And, indeed, the Wii U's initial launch was rough, and still is quite a bit rough. Sales haven't been all that great, software hasn't been there, the launch UI was problematic, etc.

But today, in August of 2013, I can confidently say that I am excited about the Wii U.

Pikmin 3 is Phenomenal

I haven't played the first Pikmin, but I have played the Wii remake of the second, and I enjoyed it, but I'm not a huge fan of it. It's a good little game, but it doesn't get me fired up about its quality. Pikmin 3 looked to have amazing visuals when Nintendo first showed it off at E3 2012, which helped me get interested in playing the game, but I wasn't really excited about it. Now, when the game was about to come out, and the reviews were hitting the gaming sites, I started to get excited. Partially because the game looked great, and partially because it's something to play on the Wii U I got back in December.

I bought it, and expected a great time. I had a phenomenal time. Pikmin 3 is phenomenal.

For the first four days I had Pikmin 3, I basically did nothing else with my free time besides play it. It's a magical game. It's a door into a beautiful world that I loved being in. Exploring PNF-404 for all sixty-six pieces of fruit with my pikmin buddies is an experience I'll never forget. I became attached to the little guys, feeling bad every time one died. The game's story is surprisingly charming, funny and uplifting, as well. I loved it so much.

Even though I really wish the multiplayer aspects were online...

The Gamepad is Cool

The battery life on the Gamepad isn't so hot, and the fact that you can't turn the display off while you use the buttons does not help. The shoulder buttons are placed oddly high, and the triggers are not pressure sensitive. But that's where the issues with the Gamepad start and end. The first issue isn't even as crippling as some like to make it out to be, because I imagine most people play their games near an outlet where the Gamepad can be plugged in. I always play it near an outlet, so for me it's nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

It's a neat little doodad. During my Pikmin 3 hibernation, I enjoyed controlling the game with the Wiimote+Nunchuck and having the Gamepad on my lap for a map. I was able to beam the game to the Gamepad and take it upstairs while I microwaved my frozen lunch. I can beam simpler games to it and play without hogging the TV. It's also an immensely comfortable controller. Much more comfortable than that of the PS3, and probably on par with that of the 360.

Miiverse Rules

Pikmin 3 was able to show me how much Miiverse rules. There is a very active, positive and friendly community on the service, and it is set up very well. Seeing a bunch of posts from other users whenever I boot up the console, with a bunch of Miis all over the place, is fantastic. It's not locked to the console, even; you can access it on any browser.

It feels like a really fun forum experience, mixed with Twitter. Each game is like a section on a forum, with posts essentially serving as threads. You can befriend people without any friend codes, and even follow people for their posts without them having to do anything. Maybe it's just because it's early on in the system's life, with the current Wii U owners mostly being big fans of gaming and/or Nintendo, but the discussion is good.

And holy crap, some of the drawings people do are incredible.

Earthbound is on the Virtual Console

It's finally rereleased, guys! I haven't been able to play it yet, but it's Earthbound!

A Long Line of Games to Look Forward To

We have Platinum Games's promising The Wonderful 101, along with Rayman Legends coming out in September, Wind Waker HD and Sonic Lost World in October, Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze in November, and Super Mario 3D World in December! And then Mario Kart 8 and Super Smash Bros. to look forward to in 2014.

I played the demo for The Wonderful 101, and I had mixed feelings. It's a colorful, explosive looking game and there's certainly fun to be had. I did, however, find it hard to control and keep track of. But it's a very high-quality developer, and even if it isn't all that great, it will at least be interesting. Rayman Origins is an amazing game, so surely the sequel will also impress. The Wii U seems to have the definitive version, from what I've seen, to boot.

Wind Waker HD being worthwhile is a pretty safe bet. I loved the original up until the triforce fetch-quest, which is getting streamlined in this version. Other things are getting streamlined as well, to improve the game's pacing, which was a bit shoddy in the original. The new graphics look excellent, and I'm sure that having your equipment on the Gamepad is going to be cool. Sonic Lost World looks like a fun Mario Galaxy/Sonic mashup, even though something about the trailers gives me fatigue. It may be a lack of originality, or it may be memories of Sonic Colors, which I didn't like. It's something I'm definitely interesting in checking out, at this point.

I am super-stoked for Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze. DKC Returns may just be the best 2D platformer Nintendo has ever put out. It's perfectly challenging and very tight. Many of the levels force you to be constantly moving, to platform your way out of insane set-pieces. The sequel will surely be great. Super Mario 3D World is also a sure-fired hit because of its amazing predecessor. 3D Land is one of Nintendo's finest 3D platformers, in second place right behind Galaxy 2, in my mind. I love that Nintendo is allowing four players to play together for the first time in a 3D Mario game, even though it probably won't be online. And unlike the New Super games, each character has their own distinct abilities, and Peach is playable!

The Wii U has problems. The wifi signal isn't as strong as just about any other gaming system I've ever owned, forcing me to move my gaming set-up in my house. The horsepower in comparison to the PS4 and Xbox One is going to seriously hurt Nintendo's relationship with the triple-A third-party scene. It's still not performing nearly as well as it needs to for Nintendo. 

But I'm excited about the system, and I'm confident that by next year, things will really pick up for the Wii U. Even if it isn't a success, I'm sure there will be a steady stream of great games for a standard lifetime, like there was with the Wii. 

Kid Tripp (Video Game; iOS) - Review

Apple's iOS platform has proven itself to be a spectacular platform for interesting, fun, and cheap games. Anybody can make a game for the platform for cheap, and getting on the App Store isn't difficult. This excellent ecosystem of games to play on your phone or tablet gives us fantastic little games like Kid Tripp from "Not Done Yet Games." Kid Tripp is another mobile runner with pixel graphics, but it's an especially well-designed and entertaining one. 

There's a cute little story to be followed through simple cut-scenes at the beginning and end of the game. It's very minimal, but charming. The real thrust of the game comes from playing it, and it's a real joy. As stated earlier, this is a runner, but not an endless runner. There are four worlds with fives levels each. A tap on the left jumps, a tap on the right throws a rock, and, smartly stopping you from spamming the rock-throws, a hold on the right makes your character run.

This is one of those challenging, deceptively simple games. Your character automatically strolls forward, and there are spikes and baddies to avoid, springboards to use, and coins to collect on your journey to the end of the level. That's it. But it really is challenging, starting off mildly hard and progressively getting expletive-shoutingly hard towards the end, but it's always a joy. Levels are very short and you get shot right back to the beginning whenever you fail. I found it absolutely exhilarating to finally get past a part of a level I was stuck on for so many deaths, only to be flung into the next portion and be forced to figure out the next death trap. 

Kid Tripp's controls feel very tight and responsive, too, which makes flinging around your character all the more cool. There are times when bouncing on an enemy's head is essential to moving on, and there are some obligatory mine-cart sequences that are exciting. The game's pixelated visuals are very pretty, and the game runs very smoothly. Enemies are cute and reasonably varied, and the tunes are good, although certainly nothing special. 

There's really not too much to complain about here; this is a totally solid game. I don't like the black bars on the screen (which is more obtrusive on the iPad or 4 inch iPhones/iPods), but that's a small complaint, really. I was able to brave my way through it all in about an hour, but the game is designed to be replayed. When you finish, it counts the number of coins you managed to collect, how quickly you got through, and how many times you died - all of which are tracked separately through online leaderboards. You can pay levels separately to master them, and the game will award you medals on your mastery to let you know how well you did. 

I really love this game. It's fantastic. If you have an iOS device, which you probably do, I highly recommend you fork over a mere dollar for this gem. Just be in for a challenge. 

***

Played on an iPad 3rd Generation for approximately an hour and fifteen minutes. I'm matt456p on Gamecenter for those who want to try to beat my scores! 

Ikachan (Video Game; Nintendo 3DS eShop) - Review

Ikachan feels like the video game equivalent of a decent little short story written for a high school Creative Writing class. It's noticeable that the creator took some short cuts to get this done. And it's over quickly. But even if it's certainly not great, there's a distinct joy to be gotten out of the experience. Ikachan is an okay game that makes up for some laziness with charm. 

This game casts you as a cute little squid named Ikachan. You maneuver him around with a combination of aiming his head with the circle pad and propelling him forward with the a or b button. It controls similarly to an underwater level in a 2D Mario game, save for aiming replacing more direct movement. The physics feel great and it's fun to maneuver Ikachan around. 

This game is at its best when you're avoiding enemies, collecting fish to level yourself up, and taking down the few bosses. The game gives you a small, open environment to explore, and this provides for some neat metroidvania-style gameplay, in which you gain new abilities or items that can be used in past areas. The game has gorgeous and adorable pixel art that looks even cooler when the 3D is flipped on. The sound effects and chiptunes combine with the visuals to create a really engrossing atmosphere.

Unfortunately, a lot of the progression depends on going back and forth, talking to NPC's. The story is cool but the diaogue is usually a bit dull and it gets frustrating when you have to arbitrarily initiate conversation with the characters until something happens. The most banal areas of the game, by the way, are where all of these characters are.

At the end of my playthrough, I felt more positive than negative about my journey. Since the game is only an hour long, it's hard to forgive boring, text-heavy segments that probably made up half of my play-time. But it's a pretty trip that tells a weird, charming, simple story, with a cool ending to boot. It's clear that the creator had fun making Ikachan, and I had fun playing it. It's okay. 

***

This game takes place in the universe of Cave Story, and is made by the same dude. It originated as freeware, but I played the Nintendo 3DS eShop version for review. It costs $5, which is a decent price. 

Mario and Donkey Kong: Minis on the Move (Video Game) - Review

Back in 2006, Nintendo put out Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis for the Nintendo DS, which was quite the departure from Mario vs. Donkey Kong on the Gameboy Advance. The original game on the GBA was a spiritual successor to Donkey Kong on the original Gameboy, which is often dubbed Donkey Kong 94, in order to distinguish this 1994 release from the classic arcade game. These two games on the GB and GBA are brilliant puzzle-platformers, but when that DS game came out, the series changed to straight-up puzzle games, similar to Lemmings. 

Many fans were disappointed with this change. I, for one, enjoyed the newer ones, but I have to admit that the series was getting a bit stale. Since MvD2, there have been three more games in the series. The latest, Mario and Donkey Kong: Minis on the Move, for the Nintendo 3DS's eShop, is actually quite different from the others since MvD2, despite being another straight-up puzzle game. The problem of staleness is not evident in this release. Minis on the Move mixes things up enough to feel fresh, and it's a smart, addictive puzzle game, despite some missed opportunity. 

The major difference between this game and the few games before it is the angled, 3D view, replacing the on-the-side, 2D view. That may not seem like too big of a deal, but I'd say it gives the game an updated feel. The goal of this game is to place tiles on a board to form pathways for the series-signature minis (adorable little toys of Mario and co.) to use, in order to get them to the goal. Along the way, there are doodads to be collected which are unneeded for progression, but the game is definitely most enjoyable when attempting to collect everything on each board. These boards are very fun and challenging to solve. Completing a board with all of the doodads collected is very satisfying. Aesthetically, it's certainly colorful, certainly cute, and it looks nice in 3D. The music is fine, yet forgettable: If you'd like something to do while watching TV or listening to your iPod, this is an alright game to mute and play during. You'll just have to go without the satisfying victory music and crushing failure music. 

There are four different variants on this basic design, each intertwined and each equally fun and well thought-out. One, entitled "Mario's Main Event," gives tiles for you to use mostly randomly. If you don't use the tiles given to you quick enough, your pipe of tiles will overflow and you'll fail. Things like bombs, which get rid of tiles on the board, and trash cans, which will take three unwanted tiles in your pipe, make things easier on you, but this mode remains very tense. It's tons of fun. It forces you to think quickly, and frantically tap your mini in order to get them to go faster. The "Giant Jungle" mode is basically the same, except that boards are massive and with much more to collect, making it ludicrously challenging, which makes this mode fun in its own right. 

"Many Mini Mayhem" throws multiple Minis into the equation, and doesn't let you add any tiles onto the board. Instead, some tiles on the board can just be moved or manipulated. This mode is the most frantic of them all, and a real rush. Another is called "Puzzle Palace," which gives you all of the tiles you're allowed to use at the start. This mode forces you to carefully think things out, without pressure to do anything quickly. This difference in design means that this variant has to have more complex boards in order to be as challenging as the others, and it pulls that off. 

Each mode ramps up the difficultly progressively by adding new tiles and obstacles into the equation, which means the game doesn't wear thin. "Mario's Main Game" has seventy levels, "Puzzle Palace" has eighty levels, and "Many Mini Mayhem" has fifty. If you collect all of the doodads on each of the levels of these three modes, you'll receive a star. The doodads on "Giant Jungle" are stars, and there are ten of these on each of the three levels for that mode. These stars, 230 possible, overall, go in a shared pool, which cleverly connects each mode. Once you reach certain amounts of stars, mini games and virtual toys are unlocked. 

There are four mini games, and each has at least a few variants, which are individually unlocked. One is "Mini Target Smash," which is a pretty standard but enjoyable shooting range. Another is "Fly Guy Grab," which is definitely the worst of the bunch; not bad, but pretty mediocre. "Cube Crash" is the best, which is similar to the shooting range game, but instead of regular ol' targets, you smash large, three dimensional structures. The last is "Elevation Station," which is an alright on-the-side 2D affair in which you move around a mini to avoid bullet bills and collect coins. All of these, besides the last, look very striking in stereoscopic 3D. Overall these mini games are a great diversion, and progressively unlocking more variants on these four mini games really incentivizes collecting those doodads! 

There is also a creation suite which allows you to create levels which can be uploaded online for anyone with the game to download [or stream] and play. Creation is simple, uploading is simple, and players others' levels is simple. Levels are organized into "Top Weekly," "Random," "Popular" and "Friends" categories. The only problem is that you can only make levels like the ones you'd find in "Mario's Main Game." 

That problem is really one facet of a larger problem, which is the only one plaguing this game, and that's missed opportunity. Why don't the four modes have an identical amount of stars in them, making the experience even more cohesive? Unlocking the little "Toy Collection" toys and polishing them and looking at them is neat, but why can't I play as them? The best example of missed opportunity is how frivolous the top screen feels during the main game. All of the control for placing and moving tiles is on the bottom screen, and the entire board is depicted on the bottom screen, albeit with a minimalistic, uninteresting look. The top screen merely has a visually interesting look at the action, with no real useful information besides the timer, so you'll mostly never look at it. Why not make it less frivolous? None of these things really affect the quality of the game in any mechanical way, but these all just feel jarring. These are just nitpicks, but they all pile up into one big nitpick - there is clearly missed opportunity here. 

But don't get me wrong: The game as it is, is great. The core mechanics are very clever, and it's a totally addictive experience. There's a lot to do, and none of it feels like padding, making this feel like a very substantial package. A very cute, substantial package, that is sometimes frantic, sometimes methodical, and always mentally stimulating. Even though there are things I wish this game would have done, I love it for what it is.   

*** 

According to my 3DS's activity log, I played this game for 11 hours and 42 minutes. It currently costs $9.99, which is a fantastic price.   

Paranorman (Film) - Review

The commercials leading up to the release of Paranorman did not properly represent what it is. These previews made the movie out to be a mindless kids-slanted comedy, albeit with some pretty animation. And that's really not a fair depiction of this film. It's much better than that. Paranorman is funny, and has some stunning visuals, but it also tells a thoughtful, moving little tale.

Paranorman is a mash-up of drama, comedy and horror. The movie's endearing protagonist is Norman, a kid ostracized because of his supernatural powers. He can see the dead, and while it's very real to him, others don't believe him and don't wish to attempt to understand him. However, things get interesting when an outbreak of zombies attack the town, and Norman is the only one that can save the day. It's a clever set-up that lends itself to a compelling theme.

Paranorman confronts the nature of fear, and how it makes well-intentioned people treat others poorly. And all throughout the movie, there are bits of smart, more random satire that fit in snugly. I was taken aback at how well Paranorman manages to make commentary without attacking any kind of people. Bullies, for example, are challenged in this movie, but through comedy and simple logic, the movie lets the audience know why we should be against bullying, without demonizing the children who happen to be bullies. And then some of the humor is just gags, and it's mostly very funny and clever. Like most comedies, it slips into awkward, groan-worthy territory at times, but here it's very rare.

This movie has superb aesthetics, which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who has seen a commercial for it. The stop-motion animation is quick, snappy and gives the movie a distinct and delightful charm. The movie is vibrant within its specific color palette, which is a bit dark, but it fits. All of the characters have exaggerated personalities that are perfectly represented visually, and the performances for their voices are also great, for that matter. The dull, teenaged beef-cake, for example, has a ridiculously toned chest, rarely seems to look people in the eyes when he speaks to them, and has a compressed, simple voice. The movie effectively plays up a light-horror vibe. The movie's intro sequence and end credits do an especially good job of this, but the creepy yet goofy monsters and nods throughout also do the trick.

Paranorman surprised me. It's a brilliant film. It looks excellent and is filled with creativity. It's very funny. And it's also a very intelligent movie that says a lot and does a remarkable job of saying it all. I love this movie: It's truly fantastic.

Monsters University (Film) - Review

Pixar was once known as a group of film-makers with a perfect track-record. Now, with movies like Brave that didn't give people the oomph they expected, and an influx of sequels that are making people doubt the studio's creativity as of late, that reputation has dwindled. Monsters University is Pixar's latest film, and it pains me to say, as a big fan of Pixar, that this movie is very bad. There are some good laughs and the movie looks nice, but it's aimless and sometimes even mean. 

Monsters University is a prequel to Monsters Inc., following Mike and Sully as college students. In Monsters Inc., it's established early on that these two are amongst the best in their profession, and this movie aims to tell the story of how they got to that point. And it really doesn't tell that story at all! The story of how they actually get good at their profession is told through a contentless time-lapse at the end of the film, after the climax. What actually makes up the bulk of this movie is a meandering lot of comedy, visual effects and underdeveloped, lazy, senseless plot that actually manages to offend. 

About half of the jokes are tired and groan-worthy affairs that have been done to death in other movies. Get ready to see a stock-nerdy kid moan at his mom for making him look lame because she's a mom and that's lame. The other half are very funny and very clever, playing off of the stereotypes of the characters. That same lame mom character has a particularly hilarious bit when we learn about her music tastes. And continuing on a positive note, the movie is very colorful and animates very well. The characters really come to life and some cool things are done visually every now and again. 

But I can't be too positive. Two big things really ground my gears, which brings me to my conclusion that this is a very bad movie. The first is that the movie establishes an interesting, tough dilemma, but really doesn't solve it at all. Mike and Sully both want to be great scarers, but Mike lacks natural talent and struggles actually performing, and Sully is too caught up on resting on his laurels and doesn't want to hit the books. Do they better themselves? Sometimes they do things that are impressive within the context of this movie, but it always feels fake. Mike doesn't find any solution at all for his problem, and Sully consistently refuses to hit the books and try harder. And for whatever reason, even though they both seem to have equal problems to me, the movie looks down upon Mike more and Sully less, which is jarring. 

The second problem is what actually managed to strike me as unethical, which is the elitism that the movie defends. Other professions besides scaring are always treated as a complete joke by this movie. At one point Mike is discouraged from scaring, and goes to a class about the production of scare canisters, which is an important role in this society, but even the professor hates it. There are a few stock-nerd characters that Mike is trapped into playing with in a scaring competition, and two of them show passion for unique career choices of their own, but by the end of the film they still decide to go for scaring. Their "skill" that is "gained" in scaring is even faker than Mike and Sully's because their apparent skill gain is usually just meant to be goofy anyway, because the notion of these characters doing well with scaring is laughable. 

This isn't a good movie. Unlike Cars, I can't even say that it isn't bad, because it is. It's very bad. The movie struggles to make a point, and when it does, it's not very nice. There are some laughs that are truly great, and Pixar is still able to make a very pretty movie, but that's not enough to pull this lazy movie out of the mud. If this wasn't a sequel, I wouldn't believe you if you told me it's a Pixar movie.